Today's thought...Race day!!!!

Okay so yeah, embarrassingly, I haven't blogged about Sunday until now, but you know...whatever! I've had more pressing blogs! LoL! Okay Sunday was the most destructive race day since I've been Autocrossing! By far! First off, the track was extremely technical. And don't get me wrong, I'm all about a technical track. As I've said myself and I quote: "A technical track is good for the Autocrossers soul!" and I stand by it. No matter how rough my stress has been or no matter what's been going on, a technical track will help me clear my head faster than almost anything.

Well this track was a little...too technical. And there was 1 element that made it so. The stop box was probably twenty-five feet from the end timing lights. Now when you're pulling that last stretch through the slaloms, you're going thirty-five, forty miles an hour. Twenty five feet is a get through the timing gate then slam on your brakes so you can stop before the stop box. If you've never Autocrossed before, then you can't understand, but when you're driving that fast, twenty-five feet is NOT a lot of time before you start running over cones and get the track time disqualified. Well Frog and I were driving the Miata. And the way it works is he drives, then we get back in line and I drive. It works out because there are more than just us that drive the same car. We just have different numbers, and our bar-codes with our numbers are on our helmet or windshield of the car. So when we pull up to the starting line, they scan it, which tells the timing trailer who is at the starting line, then once you cross the timing lights, your lap begins.

Well Frog takes his turn around the track, we pull up, stop for a second, get ready to swap out when all of a sudden we hear squealing tires. We look up in time to see a white Corvette, spinning out of control, going into the ditch there at the track, then bouncing off the culvert in the bottom of it. And I mean this car bit the ditch HARD! Turns out as a result of this, they move the stop box another thirty feet down the track and the Corvette was totalled from the damage done to it.

Then we move on to later in the day. Second heat of the day, Frogs third run and we get red flagged on the track. Now in most cases, when you're red flagged, it's because the other car out on the track with you has had damage or something along those lines and unless it's your fault for having a faulty car or a body part hung out the window or something like that, you get a rerun. Well, it was damaged alright. The suspension and axle broke, the drivers side front wheel came off of the car completely, rolled up under the car and by the time he got it stopped, the tired was stuck, under the back bumper, lifting the back end of the car completely off the ground. Now, this is a Nissan 240 SX and I know the wheels were at least seventeen inch racing tires. Turns out that one was totalled too. It completely buckled the unibody and did insurmountable damage.

Needless to say, for the last day at that track for this season, it was definitely memorable and outside of all the carnage on the track, it was a great day! I won a nice canvas lawn chair that probably has SCCA insignia on it, I don't know, I haven't looked, but Frog won a hat, and then we went to Culvers. Mmmmmm. I love Culvers.

Todays thought...Coming to terms with my past.

I've been talking to a long time friend of mine today. And it's been an interesting conversation that has really got me to thinking about the meaning of true friendship. Then I looked a little bit further into what our friendship specifically has become and how we've become so close.

Now,, I'm a firm believer in things happen for a reason. And that doesn't mean that I don't set there and pray going "Really God? What on earth were you thinking when you said 'you can handle this'?" And for a long time I questioned and was angry with my past. My first husband was abusive in any and every possible way a man could abuse a woman. Mentally, sexually, emotionally, physically, you name it, he was. And for a long time I struggled with why's and what for's.

And then I met this spry girl, one time, who was more like a little sister to me than a friend. And at first, it was simply a supportive word and giving advice when needed. But then she started going through some of the same things I did. She was in an abusive relationship and she would call and vent and I would talk to her and we would get through it, together. Then one night, it clicked. It all made sense to me. Years of abuse, knowing how it progressed, watching myself through my eyes and wondering what I had done wrong to deserve it, all came down to this.

To this one spry little person. My experiences made a difference because I knew what she was going through. I knew how she felt every time he hit her, or every time he yelled and called her names. And believe me, going through that is hard enough, going through it alone thinking that there is no one else in the world that is going through what you're going through, is a whole different story. I wish I'd had someone who had been through it that I could cling to when I was going through it, but I didn't. And suddenly, it didn't matter. None of it mattered. Everything that I'd been through, every bruise, every tear, every time I hurt, everything, was to prepare me for this.

It was all, for this. All for her. So I could help keep her from going through what I went through for as long as I did. It was so I could give her inner strength and belief in herself enough that she was able to do what she needed to do, so she could leave. And when she did, I was so proud of her, and felt the biggest feeling of relief, and I knew in that moment, that everything I'd gone through in the four years I was married to him, was worth it. Every time he begged for another chance, every time he tried to punish me for doing something that he didn't like, every time he yelled because I talked to my mom on the phone, it was all worth it. Because I believe in my heart, that if I hadn't been through all of that, I would never have been able to tell her, "I know that people tell you this all the time, but believe me when I tell you, I know what you're going through. And I can help you."

I still struggle with my past sometimes. Still look at what happened and wonder why. Then I think about her, and I remember, it was because she was destined to come into my life, if for no other reason than for me to help her through a hard time in her life. And I'm so blessed to have been able to do that. It helped me in more ways than I can say to be able to help her, and our friendship has done nothing but gotten stronger. Proof that sometimes, even a flower can grow from the ash of a fire.

Todays thought...Great story!!!

Okay so a fabulous person I know, asked me recently what I thought about gay people. Here was my answer. "Sexual preference has never made a difference to me. It's like I told my cousin when he told me, 'If you don't care that I'm straight, then why should I care that you're not?'"

Well, that reminded me of a story. Now you need to understand, my cousin Frog and I are very close. We tell each other damn near everything and he's more of a brother to me than a cousin. Now, we race and work on cars together. We rebuilt a 1987 Pontiac Fiero from the ground up, and then we raced it. Well we now race a Miata, but that's regardless of the point. Our goal is to one day make it to Targa Newfoundland. Way up in North Canada. Yes, Targa is the ultimate goal. It's a 1 week rally race against the elements and 500+ other cars, to be the first across the finish line. You circle the island, and that's the race. We've talked a lot about this, he drives, I navigate. Now you have to understand, navigating a rally race is extremely important, because I'd be the one with the map, telling him he's got a sharp right shortly, or a sharp left coming up in half a mile, or even an S curve coming up. Have I completely lost you yet? Okay it's a huge thing to be a navigator.

So Frog sits me down and says "Okay, I have something very important to talk to you about. And I don't know how you're going to take it." So I freak. My first thought is "Oh God he doesn't want me to navigate Targa now." No, he says "I'm gay." Man, can I tell you what a relief it was! I let out this breath and was almost tearfully happy. He looked at me like I was on crack. To which I promptly replied "Oh thank gosh that's all! What a relief!" to which he gave me another odd look. So I further explain "I thought you were gonna tell me you didn't want me to be the navigator at Targa."

Now was I blind sided by the news? Yeah. I totally didn't see it coming. Did it matter? Hell no! He's my cousin and I love him. No matter what. I mean really? How can I be mad at him for liking the same thing I do? Really? Come on!

Just sayin!