Today's Thought...Saying Good-Bye

The roller coaster continued after my last entry. I had no idea at the time, that it hadn't even begun. My mother in law was approved for the trial chemotherapy, and the started administering the meds immediately after. For a few weeks, we watched, prayed, hoped. I would see her and she would tell me every time, "I want you to know, that no matter what happens, it's going to be alright."

It was beginning to be apparent that the chemo wasn't helping at all. She wasn't getting better. If anything, she was getting worse. They took her in for a few more tests, running more MRI's, doing more scans. The tumor had decreased in size by sixty-six percent. But she wasn't getting any better. No one could seem to understand why, her Oncologist included. They found a shadowy place in behind the tumor. It turned up in the MRI. They wanted to wait two weeks and see what came of it.

Two weeks later, they run another scan. This was a Friday. Monday they call my father-in-law in and tell him that the shadowy place, is another brain tumor. One that is growing just as rapidly as the other, but not Lymphoma. So the original chemo trial she was on, did what it was supposed to do and essentially decreased the tumor almost completely, however, different types of cancer, different needs for treatment. The Oncologist told dad that he wanted to put her on a different type of chemotherapy, not wanting to do straight out radiation, because she was already in rough shape and her body wouldn't be able to handle it.

Tuesday they gave her a dose of the chemo. Thursday night she slipped into a coma and Friday night she was gone. Not even four months, from diagnosis til we lost her. Barely a moment to process a single thing that was happening, much less deal with it. It's still overwhelming now, and we lost her on All Hallows Eve. There was just no time. Every time we hurdled another obstacle, the next one was threatening to slow us down.

It sucks. It sucks badly. My husband is feeling the loss. My daughter. Myself. We're dealing as best as we know how, but it gets hard sometimes. And extremely frustrating. But such is life. Anyway, this is why I've been so quiet lately. Just trying to deal with things, and as it goes, small things get pushed to the wayside. But, I'll try to do better. Until later...