Todays thought...Coming to terms with my past.

I've been talking to a long time friend of mine today. And it's been an interesting conversation that has really got me to thinking about the meaning of true friendship. Then I looked a little bit further into what our friendship specifically has become and how we've become so close.

Now,, I'm a firm believer in things happen for a reason. And that doesn't mean that I don't set there and pray going "Really God? What on earth were you thinking when you said 'you can handle this'?" And for a long time I questioned and was angry with my past. My first husband was abusive in any and every possible way a man could abuse a woman. Mentally, sexually, emotionally, physically, you name it, he was. And for a long time I struggled with why's and what for's.

And then I met this spry girl, one time, who was more like a little sister to me than a friend. And at first, it was simply a supportive word and giving advice when needed. But then she started going through some of the same things I did. She was in an abusive relationship and she would call and vent and I would talk to her and we would get through it, together. Then one night, it clicked. It all made sense to me. Years of abuse, knowing how it progressed, watching myself through my eyes and wondering what I had done wrong to deserve it, all came down to this.

To this one spry little person. My experiences made a difference because I knew what she was going through. I knew how she felt every time he hit her, or every time he yelled and called her names. And believe me, going through that is hard enough, going through it alone thinking that there is no one else in the world that is going through what you're going through, is a whole different story. I wish I'd had someone who had been through it that I could cling to when I was going through it, but I didn't. And suddenly, it didn't matter. None of it mattered. Everything that I'd been through, every bruise, every tear, every time I hurt, everything, was to prepare me for this.

It was all, for this. All for her. So I could help keep her from going through what I went through for as long as I did. It was so I could give her inner strength and belief in herself enough that she was able to do what she needed to do, so she could leave. And when she did, I was so proud of her, and felt the biggest feeling of relief, and I knew in that moment, that everything I'd gone through in the four years I was married to him, was worth it. Every time he begged for another chance, every time he tried to punish me for doing something that he didn't like, every time he yelled because I talked to my mom on the phone, it was all worth it. Because I believe in my heart, that if I hadn't been through all of that, I would never have been able to tell her, "I know that people tell you this all the time, but believe me when I tell you, I know what you're going through. And I can help you."

I still struggle with my past sometimes. Still look at what happened and wonder why. Then I think about her, and I remember, it was because she was destined to come into my life, if for no other reason than for me to help her through a hard time in her life. And I'm so blessed to have been able to do that. It helped me in more ways than I can say to be able to help her, and our friendship has done nothing but gotten stronger. Proof that sometimes, even a flower can grow from the ash of a fire.