Todays thought...Kinda a funny. Stories from behind the counter.

I used to work at the Waffle House. One of my MANY...many jobs in my past. And let me tell you, I have LOTS of stories. But I wanted to share a few tonight, to make those smile, if you should so need it. These, are a few of those stories.

Story 1 - Picture if you will, a warm sunny day (Actually it's been a while ago, so I don't remember if it was warm or not), and a man with a rough look and in a three piece suit walks in, sits at the high-bar and grumbles, "Coffee." Not entirely sure what on Earth possesses me to do it, I have no clue, but without missing a beat, I look right in his eyes and I say "Dammit Jim! I'm a doctor! Not a waitress! Get your own damn coffee!" Stunned, he sat there for a second and a huge smile crossed his face and he told me that he'd just had a really bad day, and my playing, had just made his whole day. He left me a $30 tip for a cup of coffee.

Story 2 - Picture again, a dark and stormy night (No, it was just dark, it was like eleven at night) a family walks in and sits at the high bar. There's six seats at the bar and the husband, wife and children take up all six seats. All in a good spirits but clearly tired from a long journey, they give their order, I put their food down in front of them, and while I have down time I proceed to do the dishes in the sink. Now, there was this spray nozzle, that was just to the left of a pressure washer, that worked REALLY EFFICIENTLY at pre-washing the dishes before sticking them in the dish machine/sanitizer. Not paying whole hearted attention to what I was doing as there was a lot of stuff going on that night, I proceed to spray out a bowl. And it was a little bowl, of which I'm not realizing at first that as I spray, the water is merely being diverted. Where you might ask? Yes, over the counter and onto this extremely tired father. Standing there with my mouth open, realizing that I was spraying water (Which thankfully I realized extremely quickly), I let go of the pressure washer and trying with difficulty not to laugh while scared to death this guy was gonna yell, I said "Free shower with every meal?" The whole lot of them started laughing, dad included, and continued eating as I fixed them more food and didn't charge them for their meal. He also (coincidentally) left me a $30 tip.

Story 3 - Man walks into the store. I'm working second shift and it's DEAD. No one in the store but me and the cook who is prepping in the back room for third. He pulls up in a Lincoln Navigator, three piece suit, the whole shebang. He walks in and heads straight for the bathroom. Now, it's not uncommon for someone to come in, JUST to use the bathroom. No big deal, happens all the time. But that day I was in rare form and for whatever reason, I yelled "Hey!" Turning around he makes eye contact and I go "Are you fixin to just use the bathroom?" Not sure how to answer he says yes. I proceed with "There's a five dollar fee for using the bathroom without making a purchase." He stared at me for a minute, realized I wasn't serious, smiled, and made his way to the bathrooms. I'll be damn if that man didn't walk back out, slap a $5 on the counter and say "For the bathroom" before walking out. It was so funny.

These are the things I'll never forget about "The Awful Waffle" and things that I would never give up either. Those were fun times, and bad times and all of them helped make me who I am. These I shared are definitely funnies. More are sure to come! :)

Today's thought...Advocate for my mama!

Okay so...I don't know who to talk to about this, but I want to get this out. In 2006 my mama, who has always been my biggest advocate, so dammit, I'm gonna be hers, got a Cochlear implant. Now understand, my mama has been deaf her whole life. She has had hearing aids that work to an extent, but with a 20% hearing loss in one ear, and a 60% loss in another, caused from an illness when she was 2 weeks old, she's been doing good to hear you scream at her from behind. Fast forward to 2006. She has a Cochlear Implant. Something REVOLUTIONARY to the deaf world. It basically is a massive surgery, where they put a piece of metal in your head and run wires to your brain that tells your brain that you're hearing. You're getting vibrations and electron pulses and it opens a WHOLE NEW WORLD to those who are deaf. And I mean to the point that it made me CRY, to know that my mama heard church bells from half a mile away. Something as simple as the refrigerator running, was an absolute amazing accomplishment. And I was with my mama EVERY STEP OF THE WAY, including going to meetings for those out there who have had or are curious about getting a Cochlear Implant.

Fast forward to 2013. My mom has had her implant for 7 years. The processor for her implant isn't designed to last 7 years. SO she gets with her audiologist and they run around and come to find out, the hearing part of her insurance only covers a hearing aid (Which she has one still, since she was only able to be approved for 1 Cochlear implant) for $900 every three years. My mama has a PROFOUND HEARING LOSS! She can't get one of those $19.95 Bluebird things that do NOTHING for her condition. To make it worse, she needs a new processor for her Cochlear Implant. The hearing part of her insurance won't cover it. They say it's a medical condition. The medical part of her insurance says "This is an elective, you have to pay out of pocket." Really? Because in 2006 you covered it 100%! Then we get to the brass tax. In 2006, my daddy was a full time employee. Fast fwd 7 years and he's retired and doesn't have any say in what his insurance covers and doesn't.

WTF PEOPLE! Really!? NOW, my mama has to jump through red tape and hoops, only to find out, it's elective and she has to pay out of pocket 100% for a $4000 processor (not exact amount), for a replacement. Really people!? Are you able to come off of $4k for something to help you hear? Are you able to just jump off of $2500 (Which it what it costs for a REAL hearing aid right now, WITHOUT the bells and whistles.) for a new hearing aid? Where does it stop? Where is the justice for my mama, and people like her who want simply, to be able to hear, like you and I do. Imagine if you couldn't hear for 1 hour. And I mean honestly, TRY IT. Now, imagine living your entire life without hearing anything, and when you do finally get to hear something, someone telling you, that you can only continue, if you pay an amount that you can't afford. Now, how do you feel? Just saying.

Today's thought...delving into self.

I recently went down and saw my mom and dad. My rocks. Now every time we get together for a visit because we live some 700 miles away from each other, it's for at least a weak at a time, and there's always, ALWAYS one night, when my daddy and I get drunk and talk like we've never talked before. This time though, we got DEEP. Deeper than ever before. And my dad told me, I needed to forgive myself for things done years ago because he didn't want to have any more drunk convos that wound up with me in tears for shit that happened forever ago that he's already forgotten.

So we went to church while I was down there. And admittedly, it's been a while since I've been to church...shame on me, I know. But regardless, I went and the whole sermon was about everything my daddy and I had talked about, concerning letting go of my past. As I wrote a letter today to a talk show host, I realized that I haven't forgiven myself for stuff I've done to the people closest to me even though they've already forgiven me for it. I LOVE Dr. Phil. And I watch his show all the time. And all the time he talks about owning up to your faults.

But to what extent? And I don't mean that against Dr Phil either. Because there are people out there who don't take any responsibility for anything. And then there are people out there who get told by their dad's that they take too much responsibility for everything in the world and need to stop doing that. So then where do I go from there? And yes, that gets addressed too in my daytime show. It's just sometimes harder to take that aspect and run with it. Most people don't understand the gravity of the brain of one who blames themselves for everything.

It's not something that can be explained, and simply is, for those of us that take everything to heart. People that don't understand, never will. And honestly, being on this side of it, I hope no one does understand. Even if I do feel like I'm the only one that feels like this, while knowing that there are others, regardless of whether or not I know them. You cannot make someone understand what it is to feel guilty for everything and anything known wrong in the free world. Believe me, I've been called an idiot, and stupid for thinking things were my fault. I've been told I'm too dramatic and that I'm never going to get over things if I don't quit taking things so personally. And believe me, I take every word to heart.

Maybe that's what's wrong with me. I feel to strongly first off, and then I was with someone who exploited that to the fact that sometimes it's quite frankly, hard to function. The point where my husband can't say something out of frustration, that will have absolutely NOTHING to do with me, without me thinking it's directly related to something I have or have not done. And I can't even imagine, living my life without guilt or sorrow and regret.

I can't imagine being free of my own demons. Heh. I sit here now, and can't imagine being free of my own devices. Sadly, can't imagine my husband, bless his heart, who does everything and anything possible that he can, to help me, being free of my demons. And then I think about my little girl, and how much I want her to be so much better than I will ever be.

I pretend to be alright and I paste on a smile that the whole world sees, except for those who know me. And I wonder when I'll get down to the root of me, and show the world who I am inside. Despite what I am on the inside, and despite what I've been through, I still like to make people happy. I still like to make people laugh. I still get all geek with the people that are really close to me, which admittedly I can count on one hand. I'm still me underneath all the crap. If I could strip through the crap so that the real me could shine through...that is the mission I guess.

So as I raise my glass, I toast, to missions, and to the real me. Even if I rarely even see it myself. I am still there. Banging on the doors of my past to get out of this trap that I've managed to put myself in. Here's to self. And finding ways to be the person that I really am.

And heres what it boils down to. There is nothing about me that makes sense. There are things that have happened to me, that have shaped who I am today. I may not like some of those things, but I have to live with them, because try as I may, I cannot change who I am. I cannot change how I feel about things. I cannot explain how I feel, nor can I expect anyone who has never been through what I have, to understand how I feel. There are times that it boils down to me. You either take me or you dont. You love me or you hate me. I am me and I'm working through who I am. Those that choose to stay with me, see the me inside, struggling to break through. Those who don't...it was nice to know you and I'm sorry I was too much. But you were awesome.